THE LIST

The list:
-Great personality

-Funny

-Knows when to get serious

-Care'n

-Respectful of herself and others

-Smart

-Knows how to defend her self

-Got a job-Drives

-Well educated

-Stubborn

-Aggressive, but not to aggressive

-Short, but not to short

-Pretty eyes

-Sexy body (in my eyes)

-Smart mouth'd (lol, need someone to slick me out)

-Love kids

-Knows what she want's in life

-Independent, but not too independent

-Cheap. Lol, meanin she knows how to manage her money, doesn't need anything expensive

-Someone I could have fun hang'n around with 24/7 and never get tierd of her

-Capable of keepin me in check

-Capable of understand'n my strange, creative, missunderstood world

-Helpful

-Love and trust and belives in the man above

-Wierd and goofy like my self :)

-Lovable

-Huggable

-She has to understand that I would never ever NEVER EVER do her wrong. Dispite what may come into my life with her, she has to understand and know that I'll never cheat or hit her. She's my queen and I'm a treat as such

-Can understand my problems and able to comfort me the best she could

-Not afraid to tell me when I'm in the wrong

-Not annoyin and won't nag and complain bout the lil things

-She has to be able to trust me. Trust is the biggest thing for me. I also have to be able to trust her. With out trust what's a relationship?

-Has to be completely honest with me even if what she has to tell me is gonna hurt me. Honesty is another must have in a relationship

-Need her to be not so damn needie and wantsie

-Capable of known the power and control she has on me but never takes advantage of it

-She has to be her self. Doesn't care bout fittin in with this crowd or that crowd

-she has to be able to bore into my heart and latch on and never EVER let go

Welp this is pretty much my list. Everything in which I'm in search for in the opposite sex. Time to time I think maybe I'm just askin for WAY to much or maybe I'm just bein picky with whom I'm in search for. But shouldn't you be picky like this? Lol, I mean your searchin for someone your gonna spend your LIFE with shouldn't you be picky to find your mrs. Right? I know I'm not perfect and I know well enough she isn't gonna be perfect. But together we can be the best imperfection ever seen. I'm a sucker for love. When I love someone I LOVE that person and only that person. I'm also hella mega shy when I come to that person. Like EXTREMLY SHY towards them. But I try not to act shy only cause I wanna expose my true self to them and be comftable infront of them. I'm a nerd, dork, cornball, goofball, lil kid, etc. I have one of the slickest mouth you've ever heard. I'm cocky at times (only when I have to be). I can stand my own ground but I rather have someone I can have to stand strong with me (NOW THAT'S LOVE). I've been hurt a lot of times just like anyone else. I learn from them. And yes, sadly I've hurt others. Truely sorry for that. I have a HUGE BIG HEART but people don't know it cause of my stubborn ways. What more can I say? I'm care'n, trust worthy, honest, creative, smart, handsome, capable of listen'n to your problems and give you a response. I actually do listen to everything you could ever say. I am truely one of a kind. One of few, very few. Don't know what else to say.....but if I seem like what you've been lookin for hit me up :). Belive me there's a lot about me that close to no one knows about. And if you have the qualities that I'm in search of. PLEASE send me a clue cause I be completely lost when it comes to things like this. Lol, funny but true

*P.S.*

Think my new note "THE LIST" is touchin more minds and hearts than I think it would. I never thought that I could have effect on people thru my true thoughts and feelin's I want to have, or better yet, feelin's I need to have for someone. I'm happy and glad that my insights of what I'm in search for is touchin you all in a insparational (spelt it wrong) way. But that's not what I want'd it to do. I want'd it to open ya minds up to the real true features we all need to find in someone. When I said I truely open'd myself up a lil to write this, and express my feelin's out there for you all to read and understand. I really did. Don't get inspire'd to write ya own list, don't tell me I'm a good writer. Tell me that I've gotten the right idea by showin, well trin to show the world what people need to find in the opposite sex. So what is it that we need, what is it that we search for in someone? Hopefully what I've stated in my list is at least the same kinda list people are followin to find they're siggnificant other. But hey, what do I know. I'm merely a young man throwin in the world in search of a four letter word in someone hidden behind others who wanna slow me down and corrupt me. But my strentgh in find'n her is to strong to let me give up and lose

Insecurity

I saw her,
And I knew she saw me.
Our eyes caught path,
So I knew she saw me.
Words wasn't expressed,
But some how feelings developed.
I had the perfect time to approach her,
I had more than enough time to capture her time.
For once in life,
With out begging,
Time fell on my hands.
For once in life,
Time was on my side.
But fear took over all my hearts plans.
I thought I had this,
Thought I'd go to her,
Resemble more than any guy she's ever seen.
Present myself as a gentleman,
A man sent to throne her,
And pamper her.
Not a players mentality,
But a loving hearts needs to please.
I didn't want to waste her time with lies.
I really wanted to convey my heart to her.
I wanted to show her I thought of her.
Not with my head that grows with uncertainty,
But with my head that continues to replay her image.
Unless you haven't noticed,
My fears allowed her to slip out my world.
Faith allowed us to cross paths,
And if meant to be we'll cross over that path once again.
But just like alot of people in the world,
I can't wait.
I thought I'd ask time to speed up faiths abilities,
Thought time was on my side.
Time was on my hand,
Time agreed to stand still to bask within her presence before.
But now that I let her leave,
Now that I allowed my fears to control me,
Time doesn't shed a care for me.
Not an ounce of care,
And concern.
Sad thing is,
I understand its reasons.
I fell victim to my fears
Countless times.
I'm vulnerable to my fears.
*HMPH*
Maybe some day I'll overcome this.
God willing some day soon,
I won't be holdin my tongue,
Bite'n my lips,
Concealing my thoughts and emotions.
Some day soon,
Fear of rejection and others that follow,
Won't hold me back.
Maybe that'll be the day she comes back.

NEED A TITLE

I NEED A TITLE =(
Maybe I'm just not who you want.
Maybe I'm just not who you need.
Maybe I'm just a mock image of someone who's meant for you.
I'm just a subsititue of someone your in search of.
Instead of trin'n to be who I need to be,
Who I HAVE to be.
I'm trin to be who you think you need.
I'm not who I wanna be.
*TISK* but hey,maybe
I'm just fooling myself,
It could be I enjoy hurting myself.
Known that I'm not who I should be,
Cause I'm trin to be who you need.
All just to please you.
Its crazy!
I love you,
And.........
I wanna be everything you need.
But.........
I'm drifting farther away
From who I have to be.
I've disguised who I am,
And I've cloaked myself perfectly from the world.
I've turned my life into a magic show,
And I've turned myself into
An identity that falsely exist
Within my mind
And within yours.
But......
love......,
This love Is confusing.
Possibly damaging
Or plainly severely damaged.
See your my means of existence,
My reason to inhale and exhale.
My main reason to think and act
Act and think.
Make moves around the world
To better our world.
Your my world,
And damn sure my everything.
But your sudden needs
And all your drastic wants,
To change me!!?
Questions your heart
To me.
Is it ME
You want
Or a willing
Participating
Canvas of love to mold?

"It isn't that you fail to appreciate who I am. Its just I've accepted your neglection so much that I've forgotten just who I am and who I truly need to love the most"

WHAT IS LOVE?

Your trin to avoid what the heart tells you. But your brain is liven from your hearts impulse's. So its hard to avoid what the heart is feeling when each beat of your heart sends out constant thoughts of the thing your trin to avoid and or forget. So your basically living from your hearts desires. The hearts desire to be need'd and wanted. The heart doesn't want to be loved any more. The heart isn't in search of love any more. To be ridiculed and mock'd by views of love and mock'd emotions all from the search of love. The heart simply doesn't search for it any longer. A sacred treasure, a pleasing thought of just bein needed and wanted now settles the heart better than what love could do for it.

Is it better to be needed and wanted rather than to be just simply loved? Why is it that the concept of accepting love triggers more than it ought to? Why is it that this whole love thing is turn'n into a native language to us all?

That's what I'm starting to belive now tho. That love is turn'n into a native language that we'll never seem to understand properly. One term of love that we only seem to understand and accept (at times) is Gods love for us. But I can't really put Gods love for us into the same category as love it self is in. God loves us more than we belive. If you think I'm lie'n about that, than ask your self "how do I continue to wake up each day" or "how am I able to breath each second" you see Gods love for us isn't just love it self. Heck, we don't even call it love. Gods love for us is call'd agape. That type of love he has for us and in us is greater than that a mother has for her first new only born child, a young man with his dream car, a crackhead with his crack, a hustla for his money. Gods love is extremely complex, only cause we've never had this love, we've never felt this type of love for our selves to explain it to others. In a sense, in my belief, I think its a good thing we can't love the way God does. If we were given that chance, that ability to love the same way God loves us, what kinda crazy miss understood situations could we and or WILL we put our selves into?

Which brings me back to the point I wanted to ask. Why can't we truthfully love rather than falsely present our selves as bein in a mock understandment of love. Has me start thinkin, what is love? There's so many false accusations of knowing what love is but one never seems to be the right one. So, WHAT IS LOVE?

?

"theres plenty of fishes in the sea. With my heart on the line and time on my side. I'll cast out my line and wait, only praying she'll be mines"

I'll tell the truth, I LOVE to be romantic, I'd love nutting more than to really just lay in bed and cuddle and watch chick flick movies and hear you breath every second of the day. Simple things are all I need to know you truthfully care and love me as I do for you. Acknowledgement of my heart my love and my affection for you will surely be placed out for the world to see. I'm only hope'n you'll take in each and every single last one. I'm not the best guy out there, I aint the handsomest, sharpest, strongest, etc. guy you'll come across. But all that shouldn't matter, all of that nonsense and tom foolery shouldn't even be what you judge me by. Many people luck out on the greatest person on earth all cause they judge the book by the cover. I'm just really asking you to open me up and love me for the words that are imprinted on each and every one of my pages. I just need you to appreciate every crucial sentence that lies within me. Love me for me and not for what you decide to see. I don't have nutting on the line but my heart full of love. Don't take my love for granted. Don't accept my affection as a form of lustness needs. Sex is the last thing that excites my mind body and soul. Physical acceptance are nice, simple touches, gentle kiss's, breath taking caresses from ya hair to ya toes. Massages to relax ya body mind and soul. Never getting to sexual. There's more to a relationship than sex and that's where I need ours to be. I wanna be 80 years old and still find ways to ignite that special fire within our love. 80 years old and I wanna take you to place's kids in they prime would go. In all to show my affection for you. The things I say will all ways seem too mushie to others but to the right eyes the right mind my words will mean something. To the right one my words will build a bridge connecting our hearts. To the right one the thoughts I've composed will unite our minds to the point where words will never be said. We won't have a plagiarized love but a copyrighted love, affection, and devotion for each other

Lost

Don't think for a min that I never love'd you

Cause each second of my life was all for you

I love'd you

Care'd for you

Adore'd you

All that need'd to be with you I did

I did all I could to show you my love

I show'd you in more than a million ways

I could love you

I prove'd my self to you

I prove'd my love for you to the world

Not once did they ever doubt my love

Not once did anyone ever question my love

They knew it was you and I

I and you

1+1=1 to represent us

The whole world saw it

The universe knew it

But.....

But now, what happen'd to it?

What happen'd to us?

Our created perfect world now fades

You and I fell apart

No longer is it me and you

You and I

I and you

1+1=2

WHAT?

Our perfect math makes no since!

And it breaks my heart

I'm left alone lost and confuse'd

I don't wanna ask why

But how else am I to find the answer's

What did I do?

What can I do?

What should I do?

I don't know what to do

I'm lost and confuse'd

I NEED you but.......

I LOVE you but.......

UGH!

It sounds like I'm in love with the second thoughts

Its like I'm fallen in love with the doubts

I love you?........

Those simple words bring so much to me

Memories of you and I
Constant thoughts of us

Still filters my mind

I want you but I can't have you

I have you but I don't want you

Its so confuse'n to me

I'm so lost in this term of love

I'm old enough to understand it

But I'm to young to comprehend it

I'm stuck in this confusion

More or less

I'm lost in love from confusion

I don't know how to end this now

So I'll just leave it at that

Created

She said, the only reason why she love'd me

Was cause I was empty

She knew I was nuttin inside

All body no emotions

Nuttin to want

Nuttin to love

She took hold of me

Held me

And mold'd me

Into someone she want'd

Into her very own lil creation

I was her perfect clay mold'n of a man

Perfect in every way for her

PersonalityQuailities

Features that completes her

I was everything she ever want'd

I was all she ever needed

I was who she created

But something happen'd

Somewhere between night and day

Day and night

The creator some how mess'd up the created

Instead of create'n for her self

She created someone they all were in search for

She fail'd to tag me as her own

Left me in the jungle to roam

She left me in a world where perfection is never seen

She left me in a world where perfection is a mere dream

She left me in a world fill'd with fien's

Fien'n for what she created

A perfect creation of a male spiece's

Never before seen

Only thought and belive'd

It could be all found in a dream

Now that they've witness'd and seen

The dream of a perfect aspect of a male bein

Does exist in a world built on dreams

Now she's sad to see

How the world fill'd with fiens

Have devoured her creation

Built from her dreams

Bipolar Love

I love you, I love you not

I can stand you, but I can't put up with you
I have endless amount of thoughts of you, but I can't stand to think of you

I need you, but I don't want you

I want you but I don't need you

I need what I want and I want what I need

I can't stand this strong desire to want you, when I know I truly need you

I love you, I love you not

I'll go thru all the petals in the world to find my answer

Pluck by pluck

Wish by wish

Luck by luck

I'll end up with the finale petal that'll answer me truly

I love you, I love you not

She loves me, she loves me not

Maybe I should resort to the old times

Scribble down "do you like me? Circle yes or no"

Fold it up one to many times

Than slip it to her when no ones watching

Bring it back to those kiddie times

Like back in 4th grade

The first time I saw you

The first time we saw us!

Me playin fall ball with the boys

You double dutchin with your clique

I bumped into you by mistake

Or at least I told you my actions weren't intentional

Exchange of kiddish words roamed out

Expressions of unknowledgeable love shown out

We were kids but things brewed up just right for us

I love you, I love you not

She loves me, she loves me not

She does or maybe not

No chance or maybe I stand a shot

I love you, I love you not

Honesty Box

Lets reveal what we desperately hold back
Lets wander thru our minds
Find hidden thoughts and emotions
We lock deep with inLets not hold things back
Help me expose myself to you
I'm willing to give you my all
Only if your given me that thought of interest
Lets build what we have goin on stronger
Put our hearts together With no hidden exceptions
Lets not lie
Deceive each others minds
Compromise the things we have
No foolish ties to destroy us
I want to intertwine deep within your mind
Allow you full access within my mines
Discover all that we want to know
And more of what we need to know
I don't wanna hold anything back from you
I don't want there to be a time in our life
Where our pass can hurt us
Ask me questions
Ask me those questions
You couldn't ask anyone else
Expose the truth and wisdom
You couldn't find anywhere else
Dig deeper than you've ever done
For anyone else
I don't wanna keep secrets from you
And I don't want you to keep them from me
Truly
Honestly
Faithfully
Loyalty