SHE INTIMIDATES ME

I'm searching to find what lies inside her mind.
I'm willing to learn her pass,
Live in her present,
And aide her in her future.
But the more she speaks
The more she paints this picture.
This picture In which she envisions her self in.
And I just can't help but to think,
Where can I exist in her views?
Her dreams aren't dreamt
When she's asleep.
Her dreams are steadly bein molded
As she strives thru her days.
Her dreams is her reality.
Never once bein her fictional story.
All's While my dreams
And my goals
Have been on a stand still.
I can't picture my life coinciding with hers.
My thoughts are vandalized with her,
But I just can't see myself bein that great man by her side.
I can see myself as bein the good guy in her life,
But she doesn't need a good guy.
She needs a well minded man.
A man that can provide for her in all means and ways needed,
And necessary.
That's the kinda man she needs.
That's the type of man she deserves.
But I can't be that man right now.
I'm still that good guy trin to better his life.
I'm still that good guy with my eyes closed
At a frozen stand still dreaming of my life.
But she intimidates me.
She pushes me to make something of my life.
She wakes me from my dreams
And brings me back to reality.
She pushes me to bring my dreams into my reality.
She see's that man in me.
She pushes me to be who I've all ways wanted to be.
she pushes me to be who I need to be.
SHE SEES THAT MAN IN ME!
So I'll paint this picture of her and me.
Create a beautiful portrait of our dreams finially coinciding.
Live our dreams together in reality

RANDOMOSITY #20

She changed me into who she wanted
Into who she needed.
I was her creation,
But when I turn to face her.
She turns away.
Doesn't she love me?
Didn't she love me?
I'm what she created
so I figured she'd love me.
But that's turned into a fictious belief.
I'm roaming a world cold and alone.
This heartache hurts more than I'd expect it to.
It feels like an empty void.
I wonder if my heart even exist any more.
I'm thinkin maybe she got it
She up and left with it.
Its a possibility right?
Just lie to me and say she did.
It'd be easier for me to except
rather than me make belive'n my hearts in a strangers hands.
I rather it be her
despite all the neglects
And the constant abuse's from her

"Love distorts my mental thinking and creates this void deep within me. Maybe its you I need to complete me. Don't neglect me, you have the pieces needed to complete me"

RANDOMOISTY #21

Never give me the least amount.
Give me all you got.
I'll pay what I gotta pay
I'll do what I gotta do
I'll gladly over dose
and pass out from too much love.
Cause secretly
I got her face tattooed on the back of my eye lids.
So even with my eyes closed
She excites me and thrills me
She's like my natural high
I can't ever get enough of her.
She's addictive in all and any ways possible.
From her Lips to finger tips
Tiny toes to curly eye lashes
Her dandruff to dead skin cells.
I love them all
and I'll collect them all.
Sounds physicotic and all
but that's how she gets me.
Insane in the membrane.
The asylums can't help me.
Prayer can't bring me back to my normal self.
Even if it did
She's my natural high
So I'd float back up
Soar pass cloud nine
Probly get God mad or make him jealous
Cause I'd zoom pass heaven
With my eyes closed
Not looking back
Cause I'm more focused on trin to reach her
But she's tattooed on my eyelids so she's never reached
But I love the thrill
And the feel she gives
So I won't complain one bit
Give me another ounce
Shit puff puff pass
I'd be the one to take the longest pull

RANDOMOSITY #13

I wonder sometimes,
Like I actually sit and think.
As to where and possibly how
Our relationship got this way.
I feel as if I'm not wanted for what I should be wanted for.
I feel as if I'm bein used for other needs and wants.
Straight to the point,
I feel as if I'm your bank.
Instead of earning your love.
I feel as tho I'm buying into your every demands.
Is it me you love
Or is it the money I seem to provide for your every desires?
Am I truely yours with no strings attached
Or am I just your WaMu bank?
Instead of mutual feelings to aide me in seeking knowledge as to where we are.
I'm providing you with mutual fundings to please your addictive wants and needs.
Money is more invested in our relationship than love is.
But here's a point I've realized.
Love does coincide in our relationship.
That's the love I have for you and to continue to have just for you.
Than its the love you have for me that exist thru money.

Guess that belief of "cash rules everything around me" Is true. Your love for me is ran by an ignitable material. No matter how much of it I throw in, It just fails to ignite the right way I need it to

RANDOMOSITY #17

I gotta get away from you.
I have to stop thinking of you.
Its not that I don't love you,
Its not that my world wasn't built for two.
Its just that
I need to worry more about me
And less about you.
I wanna please you
And excite you
In all things that I do.
And that's just my problem.
I'm faced with just you
And not me.
My life revolves around you.
I love you
But I'm finally realizing
Just what I have to do.
I have to let go of you
And maybe possibly just stop loving you.
My heart doesn't want to,
But Its something that I have to do.
No more trying to excite you,
And trying to please you.
Its all about me
And very little about you

RANDOMOSITY #16

THIS IS A SHORT ONE. JUST HAD TO EXPOSE MY SELF FOR A BIT

I wanna romance you thru the day
and protect you thru the night.
No lust in my thoughts
but love thru my actions.
Lust and love.
Two affectionate words,
Easily misunderstood as the wrong terms.
Lusting needs aren't within me,
Loves abilities strike fear thru me.
Not known which one these chicks see within me
Frightens me.
I don't know if its love that they've found in me
Or if its just lust they franticly seek.

interracial?

this one was given me hella problems. so F it. im done with it. i'll revise it some other time. for now its stayin like this. what ya think of it tho?



I wonder why they stare at us
Or more so at me?
I'm thinking maybe they're envious
Or possibly just jealous of what I have.
I'm trin to come up with reasons.
And trin to think up of faulty facts to belive in.
All to understand as to why we get so much attention.
I know the truth doesn't exist in none of the lies.
But still I try to hide
And disguise the truth with those lies.
Now,
Don't get me wrong,
Don't take me as a fool.
I know the truth despite all the lies I barricade my self deep within.
The truth is,
They stare at me
And wonder about you.
They have hatred against me
And petty for you.
They'll look at me as scum
And take you as a hostage within my hold.
See it really isn't much about you,
Its much more about me.
My thoughts,
My actions,
And choices.
Its the fact that
Your white and I'm black.
Two colors from history's pass that never seemed to combine right.
Its the view of 2 colors that never collided right,
That's Finally coinciding perfectly together
And seen as an equal.
"YOU'LL GET NOOSED!"
A joke thrown from the mouth of friends
Probly an idea and a gesture wanting to be done by strangers.
Our love is like a Shakespeare story.
You know the one I'm talking about.
Romeo and Juliet.
Found by love but destroyed by others hatred.
A Fairy tale beginning just with a Newark new jersey ending.
Its our reality story
Based from a fictional story.
We'll start like they did,
But we surely won't end the way they have.
See, no matter the amount of hate against us
There's a love they won't ever get to.
There's a love they won't ever reach.
Our love won't ever get effected by them.
But I'm starting to think It isn't us they hate.
It isn't the black and white
Racial relationship were in.
Its the love it self they hate.
Its the love we have that they envy.
Society is just jealous of us really.
But honestly,
Despite they're jealousy.
No matter what form of way they come at us.
Nutting can tear you away from me.

RANDOMOSITY #10

Create in me a new man.
Now not in the biblical since.
But in a gentleman's demeanor.
Create in me a close to perfect man.
Knowledgeable enough to seek the right wisdom
Needed to understand society,
And reject poverty
For me and those around me.
Create in me a man with abilities
Needed to care for others
And Needed to build a family.
Create in me a man with great abilities
To trust and love another honestly.
Create in me a better me.
Give me strength to break out my shell.
Help me discover a me that's been hidden away from societies views,
But most importantly my owns.
Aid me in searching for that untouched
Never tempered with
Joseph that exist deep within me.
I have a fear of bein myself.
I'm scared to discover the truth Of
who I am,
Or who I should be.
Help me find me.
Help me discover me.
Create within me a new man.

RANDOMOSITY #11

I WAS OUT WITH MY BOYS AND WAS HAVE'N SOME DRINKS AND END'D UP WRITINGS THIS. I ONLY EDITED JUST ONCE. EVERYTHING IS JUST HOW IT WAS WHEN I WAS DRINKIN. AND I WAS NICE DURING IT. LOL. HOPE YOU ALL LIKE


Even tho I'm intoxicated (I'm not gonna lie)
My thoughts are soberly picturing you.
Your shown perfectly in my mind
With out an once of distortion.
See I was trin to write something where I can go back and sound like jamie foxx
And just say "blame it on the alcohol"
But I can't
No matter what I drink or
How much I drink.
Your picture is perfectly clear.
Our memories,
Or the lil bit that exist deep in my mind,
Are vividly crystal clear.
Lol, I wish I could some how
Take this ability you have within me.
Bottle it up
Or collapse it up in a pill.
And sell it as the drunk free pill.
But I can't.
So I'd have to say
This feeling I have for you is strangely unique.
This is spoken from a drunk mind with a sober heart.